Supperman

Superpower(s):

The victim of a particularly creative curse by a somewhat tipsy gypsy, Supperman need only see or think of a person to instantly experience the flavours of their next evening meal. By gazing at a photo, Supperman can often deduce the present or future whereabouts of criminals by a process of culinary elimination.

Even though his ability is specifically tuned to evening meals, the wildly fluctuating probabilities caused by people deciding what to have for lunch invariably manifest as an overpowering feeling of impending doom and a stale fruit taste (pearvoyant backlash). As a result, Supperman generally spends lunchtimes in a broom closet, hugging himself and gently rocking back and forth.

Secret Identity:

A budding (i.e. penniless) writer with dreams of being a food critic, Supperman often loiters outside fancy restaurants to sample the flavours of success before going home to baked beans on toast.

Appearance:

Thin, wiry and in his mid-twenties, Supperman usually sports a three-day stubble, half tucked-in shirt and a thoroughly rumpled fedora. When not sitting in front of a word processor, he hangs around dark alleyways opposite restaurants with his hatbrim dramatically obscuring his eyes. This is generally for the best, considering the kinds of dinners awaiting anyone else he might meet loitering in the alley.

Best Known For:

Host during the pilot filming of "Ready, Steady, Cook!" but was replaced with somebody less know-it-all and more camp.

Notable Quotes:

"Who knows what lies in the stomachs of men?"

The Insignificant Hulk

Superpower(s): Frank Poster, otherwise known as the insignificant hulk, suffered a lost time injury whilst attempting to clear a paper- jam from the office print centre. A routine print job caused an explosion in the cyan toner cartridge, covering him in blue toner and leaving him out of the office for two days on stress leave. During his leave, Frank discovered that when bored, he shrank slightly and his skin, mutated from the exposure to the toner, turned a blueish hue.


Secret Identity: When not the insignificant hulk, Frank Poster works as an IT guy at a medium sized accountancy firm. It is a struggle each day to keep his super powers from affecting his work life. If one of the accountants spends too long speaking to him, the blue starts to take over. Fortunately, most of his co workers now just think of him as the weird IT guy that starts holding his breath when he gets too much social interaction.


Appearance: Not one to live by the drama on the field, his appearance depends on how long people have been talking about sport. Mondays he drifts through many shades of blue; by the grand final, he is sent home. At a recent trip to the movies with work colleagues he recieved a reputation as 'that massive Avatar fan', which he finds incredibly annoying, since he found the movie so boring.


Best Known For: the court case that changed the way the world saw copyright law (see: Frank Poster vs Stan Lee) and the falling out on Internet forums.


Notable Quotes: "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, I get irrational and start ignoring evidence that suports your argument"

Captain Pun

Superpower(s): His jokes are so bad and pun laden that they cause physical pain; they are not punny at all. He can improve the penetration power of his weapon by megaphone.

Secret Identity: Captain Pun started as an acrobatic pilot for the Air Force under the alias Captain Giggles – the WW1 Ace. During a performance he clipped the ground and landed hard on his elbow breaking his funny bone. The damage was irreparable and he could never tell a good joke again. He sought solace in puns, turning to a life of crime.

Appearance: Captain Pun has a peg leg, made entirely of pegs joined together, and a peg elbow. Late at night he wears a ships wheel down his pants.


Best Known For: Attempting to rustle all of the cattle from Argentina - when captured by police, he claimed he was only mooving them. Apprehending officers were hospitalised for 5 days and Captain Pun escaped in a freight truck. The police had handcuffed him, so he got a bullock to steer.


Notable Quotes: “It's drivin’ me nuts!”

The Vessel

Superpower(s):

A scientific mastermind and avid comic-book collector, Vessel attempted to gain crime-fighting superpowers by electrocuting himself in a large vat of mutagenic ooze together with a live shark, a scorpion and an industrial laser. Upon regaining consciousness, he discovered that he had become imbued with the abilities of a vat.

Vessel can rearrange his molecular structure at will to become a vat of any size with equal mass to his body. With sufficient concentration, he can act as a dinghy or a bathtub, however this does not prevent him from becoming all pruney if he stays in the water too long.

Secret Identity:
By day, Cornelius Tranh works in R&D for a large pharmaceutical conglomerate. Due to his electrically-induced memory loss and the laboratory fire caused by an industrial laser explosion, Cornelius has only a vague recollection of how he gained his powers.

Appearance:
A vat. Nothing like a ship.

Best Known For:
Trapping criminals by falling on them.

Notable Quotes:
"I've reached a high high level with crime!"

Antman

Super Powers:
Antman believes he received his powers after falling asleep at a picnic, awakening to discover being bitten by hundreds of ants. He immediately came to the incorrect conclusion that at least one of them has imbued him with superpowers. Antman's superpowers are a spray bottle full of Mylanta, which he squirts at evil doers, and an ability to bite villains really hard where and when least expected.

Secret Identity:
Antman legally changed his name to Anthony Manfred, in what appears to be a desperate attempt to get people to guess his secret identity, so far no one seems that interested. His business card says that he is a freelance journalist, but no one wants to buy photos of Antman. Ironically also an uncle.

Appearance:
Antman wears a cheaply cobbled together ant costume, with extra arms and a particularly useless abdomen.

Best Known For:
 His epic slap fights (an attempt to utilise his extra arms) with the equally mediocre arch nemesis the Aardvark.

Notable Quotes:
 "You know, I don't think this bank robbing thing is all its cra.... AAAAAAHHHHHH! Something just bit me on the leg!"

Anonymous Man

Superpower(s): Anonymous Man can blend into any surrounding, including when he is by himself. He has to wait for automatic doors to be opened by someone else when he tries to enter shops. Anonymous Man longs for the day when plastic streamers will return to shop doors.

Secret Identity: John Citizen - the face of example ID.

Appearance: the most generic face you will ever forget. He is so generic it acts as camouflage. Anonymous Man can disappear in a crowd wearing a gorilla suit in a high visibility vest. This makes his job pushing trolleys very dangerous and also makes it hard to meet women.

Best Known for: not really known for anything, but there is a large file here of unsolved happenings...

Notable Quotes: "who was that guy?"

The Chamois

Super Power: Super absorbent, but can not release the water on command. The water has to leak out over several hours so that when he gets up for work and has a shower, the Chamois has to wait until he is sufficiently empty to begin his day. This can take hours.

Secret Identity: he lives as Davo, an electrician with a nervous twitch. He was most of the way through his trade when as an apprentice, he spilled his coffee onto equipment. Panicking, he grabbed the nearest rag, a chamWow chamois, and tried to mop up the mistake and a high amount of current surged through his body, changing him at the molecular level for ever. Always remember to isolate.

Appearance: Sweaty and clammy. The Chamois looks like a man who has just done a moderate amount of exercise with a sheen that is normally reserved for shoes. Not the warlock kind. He has to wear as little clothes as possible to increase the surface area of exposed skin to air to help him dry out and shed water. He favours elastic bands and lose fitting clothes to allow for the volume increase when he takes on water. He wears towels upon his head as a necessity to mop up drips.

Notable Quotes: "Oh no, raining again"

Best Known For: He starred in an unsuccessful TV advertising campaign for an antiperspirant. Unfortunately it was proven that nothing could keep him dry for any length of time. The company was sued and his reputation ruined.